While the world’s best surfers were battling 40-plus temperatures in the mechanical grinders of the wave pool at Lemoore, California, last weekend, the world’s oldest surfers were doing something vaguely similar in rubbish surf at Castaways in the annual Wrecks and Relics comp.
I’m not sure which event was more interesting – I’d probably say the Wrecks – but let’s start with the increasingly controversial WSL Surf Ranch Pro. The controversy lies in the fact that in an experimental Covid-shortened season, every event has serious world title ramifications, so why, a lot of the pros are asking, is one of the qualifying events for the finals series being held in a tub in the desert?
Well, because the WSL owns the Kelly Slater Surf Ranch and its revolutionary technology, and it is having trouble getting contracts to build the perfectly formed but financially imperfect wave machine around the world, while other wave pool models are proliferating. Yes, kiddies, the Lemoore event is a three-day global television “info-mercial”, and not a very subtle one. While we wait endless minutes for the ponderous blue freight train to build up a head of steam – I think I can, I know I can – and deliver its barrelling right or its hard-pushing left, the commentary boys in the air-conditioned shipping container deliver non-stop babble about how damned great it is out here in the heat and dust and general dreariness of one of Central California’s least memorable towns.
Wave pools have come and gone over the decades on the world tour, since Big Surf in Arizona in the ‘60s and Wildwater Kingdom in Pennsylvania’s Amish country in the ‘80s, and as negativity about this one grows, it is hard to see Lemoore lasting much longer, except for the fact that the WSL owns it. That’s a shame for Kelly Slater, who poured heart and soul into the development of the wave, and was surrounded by true believers around the world when he watched in awe, and we watched in awe the video of him watching, the first perfect wave roll down the pool in December, 2016.
But the truth of the matter is that over the five international events held at Lemoore, the formats and the surfing have become increasingly predictable and boring. I’m a WSL tragic, so I tuned in each day, hoping that it would somehow be more exciting than the day before. And therein lies the problem. It can’t be, because every day, every wave, is exactly the same.
Some surfers have learnt to ride the pool better than others, but as some technical critics have pointed out, contrary to what we had hoped, the wave pool encourages a conservative rather than radical approach, as seen so clearly in Sunday’s men’s final, when Gabriel Medina went hugely for the air, and failed, while Filipe Toledo threaded the barrel and played it safe until the last section, and succeeded.
Even France’s Johanne Defay, who has blossomed into a very fine all-round surfer, played the careful pool game to defeat the virtually unbeatable Carissa Moore, counting the numbers on the leaderboard and saving her power for when she needed it on the long and muscle-eating 45-second rides.
Johanne will win a world title one day soon, although maybe not this year, given Carissa Moore’s blazing form. But the new finals series format means that everyone in the top five has an almost equal shot at it. With two events still to come before the Trestles finals, Carissa and Gabriel Medina have already qualified.
Creaking bones at the Wrecks
Meanwhile, down in the first day dribble and the second day straight-handers at Castaways, the Wrecks and Relics did their best to put on a show for the passing dog-walkers. Ignoring creaking bones and aching muscles, we legends in our own lunch-boxes pulled out all stops to a) get to our feet and b) find a wave with a wall.
It wasn’t pretty, but it was kinda fun. I think this was the 16th Wrecks and I’ve been in a lot of them, surfing with the same bunch of blokes in older and older age divisions as we march towards our graves. We still surf spirited heats and take no prisoners, but at least we can laugh about it now, as I did over a beer with arch-competitor Mike Pimm at the presentations. And I’m sure I’ll be back next year to make my debut in the over-‘70s.
Don’t ask me who won – and if you can find the results on social media you’re a better man than I am, Gunga Din – but who cares? Surfing and geriatric health were the winners. Oh, and Dougy Andrews, winner of the Bells Beach Easter Championships in 1963, and at 77 the oldest competitor at the Wrecks, deservedly took out the King Neptune special award, alongside Sue Altmann in the women’s.
Well done, Noosa Mal Club, keeping the spirit and the competitors alive!
