By Phil Jarratt
The bad news is we didn’t win. The good news is that we can breathe a sigh of relief because no one is going to be changing their holiday plans to spend them at any of the places that finished ahead of us.
In fact it’s highly unlikely that you’d be able to buy a chai latte or hire a CoolCabana at the vast majority of the 14 beaches that finished ahead of our own Alexandria Bay in Tourism Australia’s Top 20 Beaches for 2022, won by little-known but apparently picture-perfect Misery Beach, near Albany in Western Australia. (The name, in case you were wondering, comes not from the single digit water temperature or the frequency of marine stinger appearances, but because its white sandy beach was once stained red with blood from a nearby whaling station, which gives you something to think about while playing beach cricket or building sandcastles at the shoreline).
The list, which comes out every second year, was announced last Sunday in Wollongong, which didn’t even make the Top 20 (although Jervis Bay and Depot Beach further south did). When the first list came out in 2018 Noosa didn’t rate a mention. In 2020 we missed out again, although Wagga Wagga’s riverside beach made it. So like all lists constructed for marketing and promotional purposes, it is not to be trusted, however, it is the brainchild of Australia’s most highly honoured beach bum, Brad Farmer, so you can trust that the on-sand research has been meticulous and time-consuming.
Brad, who also wears the title of Tourism Australia’s appointed Friend of Australia and Beach Expert, is undoubtedly Australia’s best-informed beach bum as well, having studied the beachy sciences for more than 40 years and visited virtually every accessible beach on the Australian mainland, its adjacent islands and territories. If there’s a beach out there worth lying on, Brad Farmer has slip, slop, slapped and gone horizontal on it.
I can vouch for this because I have known Brad for most of his 40-year journey to the very pinnacle of what might be referred to as practical beach-based studies. In fact the late and great photographer Rennie Ellis and I many years ago sought his wise counsel when we pitched a book and TV series concept called 100 Greatest Beaches of the World to a major media company, a production that was to involve at least two years of, well, going to the beach every day.
It failed to find support but in later years, Brad’s brilliantly conceived multi-media Best Australian Beaches has soared like a sea eagle and taken professional beach bumming next level.
So back to the new list. After Misery comes Horseshoe Bay near South West Rocks in NSW. Queensland’s highest rating beach is The Spit on the Gold Coast, where the mayor wants to build a cruise ship terminal. Newcastle’s Dudley Beach is also ahead of A-Bay at 11, but perhaps the most interesting inclusion comes after us with the Jellybean Pool in the Blue Mountains of NSW at 18.
Apparently after giving Wagga a gong previously, Tourism Australia realised they were onto something with inland beaches. At last weekend’s announcements Brad Farmer helpfully explained: “Australia really is just one big beach.”
Anyway, winners are grinners, we’re on the list, third time lucky. Just hope they don’t find out A-Bay is clothing optional.
