By Phil Jarratt
I guess we have the silly season to thank for the fact that a local social media post has brought back to life a long-forgotten landmark of Noosa culture.
Ann-Marie Griffin posted all 76 pages of the mid-‘90s Noosa Dictionary on the Noosa Community Notice Board on 27 December, violating a few codes relating to intellectual property, not to mention public decency, but since it got this slim and long-out-of-print volume a new lease on life, we’ll forgive all of that. And Ann-Marie seems to have tapped into two new subsets of the potential market – old Noosans who have forgotten, and new Noosans who had no idea about scorched cuttlefish, compulsory beards for Noosa councillors, North Shore camel rides, Hey Bill, Hollywood Bob, BHP boss John Prescott getting the bum’s rush from a Hastings Street frock shop, or the population cap (not a condom).
I have to disclose a vested interest in this rebirthing of a searing satirical analysis of the emerging social mores of the Noosa of the day. Although only myself and cartooning genius Graham “Knuckles” Wall are credited on the cover, it was a group effort, conceived over scads of the aforementioned Phil Mitchell scorched cuttlefish and buckets of cheap wine, and participated in by most of the staff and friends of the late and lamented Noosa Blue Publishing Company, particularly a duo who still go by the codename “Flanners”. So we were all culpable, but I was happy enough to accept the acclaim/blame.
In case you missed it on the Community Board, here are a few samples.
CALOUNDRA
Sixty kilometres south of Noosa and not far enough.
CAMEL RIDES
Possibly the most stupid thing you could do while holidaying in Noosa. Camels don’t belong here, they stink and they’re uncomfortable. But you can ride them along the north shore and admire the scenery.
FRANGIPANI
The only shop in Noosa where you need a reference to be a customer. With a panache that would leave even Rodeo Drive’s most ruthless ritzerati breathless, the folk at Frani check you out for style before they buzz you through the locked door. Legend has it that BHP’s Prescott was turfed out for wearing thongs.
HASTINGS STREET
One of the most expensive strips of commercial real estate in Australia, which might help explain why you’ve never got any change in your pocket. But if you think the Gucci-clad shopkeepers are doing it easy, check out the landlords. They’re the ones driving by in Ferraris.
MAYOR
Noosa has a rich tradition of electing only mayors with beards. The present incumbent, Bob Abbot, has a full bushman job, whereas his predecessor, Noel Playford, had more of a trendy designer stubble in a fetching shade of red. Clearly the hirsute look is a vote puller.
POPULATION CAP
Not a condom but part of recent town planning legislation which seeks to cap Noosa’s population at around 50,000. Theoretically, 12,000 more Mexicans can get in before the walls go up and the armed guards are hired.
PROGRESS
What the developers say can’t be stopped. Funny how “progress” usually involves taking one step forward and two steps back.
