By Hollie Harris
Many newly single parents have to put their lives to one side and focus on their children. Parenting on your own can be super challenging for both mums and dads, but if you nourish your own life, the results will filter through to your children and they will benefit.
Meet single mum Lucy Good, whose life involves looking after her beautiful daughters, whilst sourcing and creating resources to help other single mothers to find ways to cope and feel supported.
Founder of a single parenting network, Beanstalk, her life is a mish-mash of kitchen, laptop, school, Skype and sport fields, fuelled by her passion to give all single mothers a supportive place to drop into.
“Have you ever tried to conduct a business Skype call while your daughter tries desperately to tell you she has a bruise on her bottom? It’s the real-deal of the single working mum and I wouldn’t change it for the world,” Lucy said.
Lucy began her journey as a single parent five years ago and found she had very little support to begin with. Her family is all in the UK, so she turned to single mum friends who understood her path.
“Going through a relationship break-down is hard, especially with children,” Lucy said.
“Emotionally, it was a mixture of heartache, relief, guilt, but also a sense of excitement that I was back in control of my life. Practically, it was challenging in terms of new homes, routines and of course, the ‘living on one income’ financial aspect,” she said.
Hunting for resources and support in the early years of being a single mum, she struggled to find anything which was positive, uplifting or inspiring. In fact, everything she came across made her feel worse.
“I decided single mums deserved more than that. We are an ever-growing group of strong, wonderful, independent women. We are also unique in our circumstances, with requirements that are very different to those of partnered mothers,” she said.
“I started blogging my thoughts and experiences, as well as sharing my challenges and how I overcame them. Most importantly, I focused on the ‘good’ parts of being a single mother.
“Women all over Australia started to take notice and respond to me. It was like there was a collective sigh of relief that someone had stood up said ‘it’s ok to be a single mum’.”
This was the beginning of Beanstalk and everything it is today.
Fast-forward two years and Lucy now works with hundreds of single mothers and popular FB group, the Single Mum Vine. She sits at the center of the think-tank of modern-day single motherhood, and has become a sought after social commentator on single parenting issues.
“I actually love all aspect of my business. I know what I offer these ladies on a daily basis is something that genuinely supports them on their single mum journeys. To take negative experiences from your own life and use them to help/support others is extremely empowering. I do this every day,” she said.
As well as having her own blog and podcast series, she has appeared several times on national television, speaks regularly on national and local radio and writes articles for online and print parenting, news, lifestyle and business communities.
She offers a must-read single mums blog, a single mum ecourse, Facebook competitions and Instagram community, with the latest offshoot being the Single Mum Vine private Facebook group where you can chat to single mums 24/7.
Taking on so much seems overwhelming to many of us, so how does Lucy do it?
“I don’t do it all alone. I have the help of my daughters, especially my young teenager who is invaluable when it comes to executive decisions, such as what filter to use on Instagram and how best to restore my phone apps when they inexplicably disappear,” she said.
Lucy’s two daughters, Amber – 14 and Ruby – 11 (almost 12) make the most of their downtime together as a family.
“We love our early morning weekend swims in the sea, shopping, breaks in the big cities or movies. I work pretty hard, so any time we get to spend together doing something un-work-related is extremely special to us.
“I have also learnt to accept my limitations, and recognise that my girls and I can’t drink from an empty cup. I knocked the need for perfection on the head when I became a single mum. Simply getting us all out the door in the morning is something to be proud of now.
“And I reach out for support. Whether it’s heading onto my FB group, where I know I’ll find something to smile/laugh about or chatting to a friend. Life is pretty full on – it can be relentless and insular. Reaching out the right people who will listen, inspire and uplift me is my key coping mechanism.”
Lucy’s mission is to help single mums navigate the maze of separation and divorce, and to confidently rebuild and embrace their new path in life. Alongside this, she intends to reinvent the status of single mum, taking it to a positive and empowering place.
So, what does the future look like for Lucy and her ever growing Beanstalk.
“My intention is to continue to provide free and easily accessible practical and emotional resources for every stage of the single mother journey in a light-hearted, inspirational space.
“I am currently working on partnerships with incredible women in finance and family law to create awareness of the ‘right’ resources and support, which will ultimately make separation and ‘moving on’ easier, cheaper and less stressful for single mothers and their children,” she said.
I asked Lucy what she feels is the biggest misconception about single mums.
“That we are broken, needy, helpless women. Not true: In a survey by The Age, single mothers came out as the most optimistic group of people in society.
“Many single mums made the choice to leave their relationships for want of a better life for them and their children. I am amazed daily by the strength and perseverance of single mums – they make me proud to be one.”
Check out Beanstalk to learn more about Lucy or find support for your journey into single parenting at www.beanstalkmums.com.au.
