Punishing milk run home

Fanning cheats death at J-Bay With this column put to bed late last Sunday night, your columnist settled down with a cup of tea to watch the all-Aussie final of the J-Bay Open in South Africa in perfect down-the-line conditions. While J-Bay can often look grey and imposing, on this glorious afternoon of blue skies and clear green water, it looked positively benign. And then all hell broke loose. Julian Wilson had taken the first wave to open his account, while defending J-Bay champion Mick Fanning waited for a set up the line. As Jules paddled back out, the cameras focused on Fanning, now paddling as a wave approached. Then Fanning suddenly seemed confused about which direction to paddle in. “You can see a little splash,” commentator Joey Turpel said in a monotone. “Holy sh..!” former world champion Martin Potter panted over the top of him. A glimpse of fins, Fanning thrashing, then lost from sight as a wave obstructed the cameras. They were some of the longest moments in my life, and I’m sure hundreds of thousands of viewers around the world felt the same. As Coolum’s Julian Wilson paddled hard to help his friend and rival, Fanning scrambled to safety on a patrol boat, shocked but unharmed. The event was called off, both surfers sharing second place points and prize money. For surfing an historic and horrific first. Exclusive World Surf League photos show Fanning thrashing for his life, and being consoled by Kelly Slater.

By PHIL JARRATT

TRAVEL broadens the mind but it also stiffens the back, particularly when circumstance subjects you to a 26-hour milk run home with no flight quite long enough for a decent sleep. Having lived in Europe and America for some years, I am no stranger to spending endless hours in the travel tunnel, but for Bali to Brisbane, this had to be some kind of record.
There is no doubt that the volcanic eruptions in Java caused major inconvenience for many travellers, and real hardships for some, but as I noted on social media last week, you can’t blame your airline for erring on the side of caution. Well, you can, and I saw quite a few Bintang-shirted boofheads taking it out on hapless ground staff as we made our weary way home, but it’s not really fair.
One pre-dawn morning last week (I can’t remember which one through the blur) we found ourselves walking across the tarmac at Melbourne’s Tullamarine with a stiff breeze at our backs. It was chilly, but not chilly enough to prepare us for Noosa’s big chill. Holy Moley! What happened to global warming? While I scrounged around at home looking for thick jumpers and hoodies, I thought, of all things, of that rousing Ballad of Eskimo Nell, and its opening lines, “When a man grows old and his bones grow cold”. Or something like that.
In any case, I’ve been home for three days as I write, and I still can’t feel my extremities. On the other hand, when you walk along the river or through the national park on a brisk Noosa winter morning, with the air clear and cool and the water so blue, there aren’t too many places I’d rather be. (At least not until the tropics beckons again.)
Jimmy Slade spits dummy
WITH Kelly Slater’s recent flying visit to Noosa in mind, all smiles and good vibes, I was surprised to see the champ arc up on social media last weekend over criticism of his new clothing brand, Outerknown. Although he has interesting opinions on just about everything, it’s hard enough to get Kelly to answer an email or a text, let alone broadcast his views on Instagram, but this time he was fast out of the boxes. After two decades with Quiksilver, Kelly clearly has a lot of emotional capital invested in his venture with the French fashion brand powerhouse Kering Group (home to Gucci, Stella McCartney and Alexander McQueen, as well as Volcom), but it was a crack about his mum that got him spitting chips. Commenting on Outerknown’s hefty prices, some lowlife Instagrammer noted: “Think about your roots. Could your mom have afforded this when you were growing up? Get real man. As a fellow Floridian I am disgusted.”
Okay, with Outerknown hoodies at $495 and pea jackets $550, the guy might have had a point, but having lost his dad to alcohol and cancer, Kelly is fiercely protective of his mother Judy. He shot back: “You’re gonna use my mom against me? My mom couldn’t afford lunch when I was growing up! I didn’t have two pairs of clean socks as a teenager, literally. So please tell me what exactly is it I owe you again? Someone got a gun to your head to purchase a higher end brand item? Did someone say this was a high volume, low price play?”
The comments were soon withdrawn, but it was an interesting insight into the pressures that go with the territory when you’re the most famous surfer in history. Of course, Kelly has been copping periodic flak since his days as Jimmy Slade on Baywatch. For nearly a quarter century, no-one has been able to question his ability or his dominance of world surfing, so the critics tend to leap on perceived character flaws, such as going all Hollywood, or charging five hundred bucks for a hoodie that’s made in Peru for about 10 bucks. But all the surf brands are guilty of that.
For the past few months, Kelly’s media people at Outerknown have been making rather extravagant claims about the brand being a major leap forward in sustainable clothing. I suppose if no-one can afford to buy the stuff, they’ll make less of it, and that will be a step forward for sustainability. In the meantime, if Kelly keeps surfing like he did at J-Bay, then people can say what they like.